Sunday, May 10, 2009

Oh goody, almost Monday

I need to do nothing and that isn't an option.

Totally burnt out, physically in a way I don't understand. Shitload of stuff going on, but that's usual, only the details vary. I think it's a buildup; the standard denial is work stress doesn't bother me because I have to deal with it, and I'm good at dealing with it, same with family stress.

Of course, family stress this week includes our godson(who lives with us) getting hospitalized after a bad reaction to benadryl on Wednesday and not getting released until today (Sunday) while they monitored his condition, including a couple of days where they had him under suicide watch.

As usual, yeah, I'm fine. I had a fairly long talk with him today during which he said virtually nothing. Yeah, he's fine too. We have absolutely no blood relation but sometimes the emotional similarities are eerie.

My body has been aching. I know I hold the steering wheel too tight, I slouch too much, I'm on the computer a lot at work and at home and I drink too much beer and coffee. I've never understood non-chemical relaxing.

I cannot take it easy. I have a job to do, a family to take care of, and I'm writing a novel and editing a magazine.

If my body breaks down and we can still make the house payments I'm okay. I have to work to afford to write. Things worth doing have to be worth it of themselves. If at some point I'm paid for it that would be right, but what is right is rare.


Allison Landa said...

I wish I had a magic potion to offer, but all I can tell you is that this is some damn fine writing and it really means something that you share this with the people who read your blog.

jenniferpkelly said...

Hi, Rob, nothing very intelligent or helpful to say, but hang in there. And also, take better care of your's where your head lives, for one thing.

Sean Craven said...

Glad to hear your godson is doing well.

Take care of yourself in the ways that you can -- food, sleep, etc.

Dude, I wish I could just give you some of my time...

michaelDUSTdevil said...

are you me by any chance...

robp said...

Thanks to all who responded. I didn't mention that I feel guilty when I complain, but maybe that's implied.

The physical pain has tapered off significantly today, and this shit's a lot easier to deal with when it doesn't hurt to move.

Concern is about as magic a potion as I require, so y'all done yr duty. Don't need a cure I need a final solution.

rhondapalooza said...

I've never understood non-chemical relaxing either. I just don't think it's an option for me. I am *far* too wound up even when I'm sleeping.

The worst part is being so well aware of it, yet still not being able to do anything about it.