Someone mentioned to me recently that I don’t update my blog much. I was aware of this; I wasn’t aware that anyone cared. So I suppose I’m guilty of blog abuse. As it’s my blog, that would make it self-abuse, and it ain’t the first time. I just don’t usually do it in public.
My given reasons for not posting much are that I’m either writing my own fiction or addressing someone personally. It’s not an unwillingness to waste time on the internet. The web is both a very useful resource and a great excuse for not doing what I should. I am easily entertained by the artistry of others, especially when it takes me away from working on my own.
Much as I liked that reasoning, I know there are people who write a lot more than I do who also maintain blogs. I don’t know a fucking thing about what might cut into the rest of their day, but something lent the air of bullshit to what now seemed to me justification.
So, a bit of self-analysis. Some of it’s easy. I’m anal. This makes for good editing skills, makes me reluctant to post words I haven’t gone over thoroughly. If I like something enough on a casual basis and don’t care much about how it reads I’ll post it. Otherwise it reflects on me the writer, me the editor, me the anal-retentive. And while I’m generally low-key to be around, a large part of my self-esteem comes from the quality of my work, and my writing is part of that. The part I would like best known.
I think it comes down to an inability to believe I deserve the good things I get. Why do I have this great wife and family, this job I’m really good at, a handful of terrific friends? Just a really basic belief that I don’t deserve the good things that I’ve got, therefore I must undermine them. Fortunately, I’m really good at drinking.
The good news is, over the course of these paragraphs I’ve come to terms with all my internal issues and will be blogging frequently and cheerfully from here on. (And with great subtlety.)
Alex Chilton "Loose Shoes And Tight Pussy" 1999
3 hours ago
4 comments:
I'm really glad to read this. I've found my blog helpful with all kinds of issues -- personal, literary, trivial, annoying, profound, you name it. There's a certain immediate satisfaction to writing something and seeing it broadcast to the world in that instant. I'll be keeping an eye on ol' Swill.
I like your blog, Rob. I like your emails better, but your blog is pretty good, too.
I'm always leaving typos in mine, grammatically questionable sentences, inaccuracies...it makes sense that editors have a harder time with this than writers.
The only way I can blog at all is to assume that no one reads it, which, most of the time, is within 10 hits or so of accuracy.
Ooh look, responses from a high percentage of my female coterie. Success!
Jen - what you bring up is another great quandary for this reticent blogger. Because I have so few followers, I shouldn't worry so much about what I post. Or, because I have so few followers, what's the point in posting at all?
Now, when I was on Multiply, where I had a pretty good sized number of contacts, I could post almost anything and get at least a handful of responses (or at least readers - that bit where they let you know who had been on yr page helped feed my ego, which is like a shark - it never sleeps, it only eats.) And of course I quit Multi to a large degree because I felt addicted to it (well, not physically, score one more for my hyperbolic tendencies)and much of what I did there was waste my time. I mean, sure, it's not totally unlike me to go on obscenity laced rants about politics where my sole intent is to piss someone off, but it's hardly the best part of my character either. And I ain't no Lord Godiva, I have no interest in exposing myself or even in riding a horse.
Allison, you already have ample opportunity to keep an eye on me. And I am Swill; I won't bother reprinting the manifesto from the back of issue 2, it's elsewhere on this blog anyway. I would be willing to part with copies of the first two issues if you don't have them, though.
Not that I'm unwilling to reveal here. Only that this place doesn't serve a particular purpose, and until it does I don't know how frequently I'll be posting here, despite my current intentions.
My main concern is that bloggery sounds like a British sex crime. Which means I should be doing more of it.
I think about that, too, how I spend a good 20 minutes to half an hour most mornings, posting something ridiculous for maybe 5 people on a good day.
But, I don't know, then I'll put up a stupid video of Ty Segall and the next week I get the CD in the mail...so maybe it's worth it.
It's more fun than work, anyway.
Isn't bloggery some sort of respiratory disease?
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