Saturday, November 22, 2008

WHEN I'M OLD, HOW WILL I EAT!????

I've just spent a couple of minutes beating the shit out of a lid of pasta sauce, in a desperate attempt to make it turnable. I'm what's politely called middle-aged now, fully capable of most manual activities. And I can't make pasta without really going psycho on this jar (coming soon, don't worry I won't starve).

What happens when I'm old and still want to eat cheaply? Do I have to hurl the goddamn jar at the outside of the house and scrape what's edible into a bowl, stepping around the shards of glass? Or will be I be stuck with boxed foods? I have no problem with being thought of as the crazy old guy who throws jars at his own house; I'm concerned with how much food will be lost in the process. Will I be outside lapping at the sauce on my steps? Even if I don't need it, just to keep the animals and homeless away? Or maybe I should just step in it and eat my own feet. Flexibility can be essential to survival.

7 comments:

michaelDUSTdevil said...

hey, you can come round to my house to eat... i'm a great cook... actually, bad idea, i'll be dead by then... wasted journey...

jenniferpkelly said...

You could make your own sauce, couldn't you? Onions are pretty easy to open, also those 28 ounce cans of diced tomatoes.

And I know you can open bottles of red wine...or at least I assume.

Is Michael saying that he's going to die of his own cooking?

That would be a shame.

michaelDUSTdevil said...

by the time Rob can't open a bottle of wine, i'll be dead from alcohol related complications...

jenniferpkelly said...

I get Sean to open jars that are too stuck for me...can't you press your kids into service?

He's also good at getting things down from the top shelf now.

I thought Michael was just high on life, what do I know?

robp said...

I don't know about this me outliving Michael thing. I think a lot of those rocknroll fuels are preservatives.

And no, Jen, I don't think my kids are going to show up for the joy of opening dad's pasta jar. Nate does love onions, though. Perhaps he could be tempted with that and whatever he's addicted to by then.

As for not being able to open a bottle of wine, by the time I reach that state they're all empty anyway. Beers, though, I can open them under any conditions.

And Michael, if you die first you can't get drunk at my wake.

michaelDUSTdevil said...

i'd better start celebrating it now then... drink, Drink, DRINK!!!

yazzwho said...

In the future you will be able to get your ration of Soylent Green. No need for sauce bottles.