OF COURSE Language Is A Virus

And some like to spread it more than others. Writers are nothing but a bunch of verbal sluts. Open those pages wide, I'm diving in.

Neal Stephenson Needs An Editor

I'm reading "Snow Crash, " and for the most part really enjoying it, but I'm on page 430 of a 470 page edition and I'm pissed off. "Lay" instead of "lie" three different times so far, one of the instances in what is supposed to be a quotation from centuries ago, before this was a common grammatical mistake. Particularly odd is that the book is written in the present tense, so the only word written in the past tense in these sections is a word that is meant to be in the present tense.

I'm reading a Bantam Dell edition, a division of Random House. Um, no one proofreads this shit? I'm an editor, and there's no fucking way in hell this would get past me. It's not Stephenson's fault that he makes a common grammatical error (although I suspect he could use some grammar review, he's a good enough writer that I can see where his time would go other places.)

In terms of editing, it's not really as big a problem as the long sections where he rambles about Babel, backstory that seems to have been thrown inadvertently to the forefront (file that shit under 'research,' Neal, you have a really good story that you keep interrupting with this tedium, including quotes from George Steiner, whose own writing on this subject is far more interesting not only than your own but than the excerpts you quote.)

Ok, I was really enjoying this novel and should probably finish reading it, but god can I edit the next one? Because apparently no one edited this.

My Summer Fling

Ok, I've done the mid-life crisis thing before, but that's the great thing about the MLC - I don't know when I'll die, so I have to keep having one crisis after another to ensure that one of them is actually mid-life. So, although I'm happily married, in the interests of fulfilling this great western tradition/cliche, I must be perpetually infatuated with some attractive young woman and a car I can't afford. The car of the moment is a Bentley GT, which differs from my current car, a 1995 Maxima, in just a few ways: it goes from zero to sixty in about 4 seconds, topping out around 198 mph (the Maxima tends to start rattling a little at about 75, would probably explode at about 140, so god knows what it would do at 198), and the passenger side front door of the Bentley will open, whereas the one on my Maxima awaits the availability of a used part before I can even afford that option. And no, I haven't looked into the cost of the Bentley, but in this economy with my income I'm sure an affordable monthly rate could be worked out that would keep me in eternal Hell no more than a few days a week. And they have booze there, right?

Speaking of which, although I'm happily married, summer approaches and I find it hard to keep my hands off this little lady.

Screw it, I'm putting her in my mouth.